Dear Shawna
Dear Shawna,

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and his 20 year
old daughters are both Christian, very very involved in the
church.....there is an event called "trunk or treat" at the church on
Halloween that I was invited to a month ago and switched my  
work schedule to go, it's an alternative to trick or treating and
everyone decorates the trunk of their car and comes in costume.

Last night my boyfriend asked me not to go because it was
something he was going to do just as a father daughter thing.

I think his daughter (who now lives with him) asked him to ask
me not to go - and I'm really hurt by it.

I know I should just put my big girl pants on but I'm finding
myself being a little frosty to her now - and I find it very ironic
that they are SO Christian but for whatever reason have decided
that this event's not "the more the merrier".

We've never had any harsh words and they aren't your typical 20
year olds...

I know that they don't approve of our relationship since I spend
the night and we're not married.

Opening the door to a better you...
Ask Shawna whatever questions you may have for a non judgmental point of view.
Dear Friend,

This is a difficult and sensitive situation you are in. Topics such as my family,
my money and my feelings could be crossing the fine line! And this involves
your feelings and his family. I do understand the feeling you are having
because I have been there before.

I have a few concerns and there are some unanswered questions. Such as, who
exactly invited you to the event? I will assume your boyfriend did (without
involving the daughters or maybe they were). How do you know that the
daughter(s) do not approve of your relationship? Is this your
opinion/assumption based on their religious background or was something said?

Of course there are always two sides to a story/situation and I always play
devils advocate. I wonder how your boyfriend asked you not to come. If you are
correct and the daughter did not want you to come to the Halloween event. I am
sure this has put your boyfriend in an awkward position.

Or you are over analyzing this and caused nothing to be something for yourself.
The daughter may not have had a problem at all and your boyfriend truly
wanted father and daughter time.

These are all unknown variables and the only way to know…is to ask. This is
all about how you feel and not about what you know. Whenever we (as people)
focus on “something” we magnify the “something”.  Right now you do not
know what caused you to be uninvited. You are only left with the options of
“trusting” your boyfriend or not. This is an emotional situation and based on
your statement of becoming “frosty” toward the daughter, I would suggest you
stop walking around “feeling” hurt.

No matter what our problem is we have to choose our battles. Is this a battle you
want to fight?

A successful relationship is built on communication and trust. If you are in
deed hurt by this and can not see past it, then you need to “gently” discuss this
with your boyfriend. Remember this is his family and you may want to put
yourself in his shoes before you decide.

You could try a simple “babe, I have to be honest with you I am hurt that you
asked me not to come to the event because I was looking forward to it. I hope
that there is nothing more to this than what was said….I can not help but to feel
like your daughter(s) are not comfortable with our relationship and you asked
me not to come…”  This is my approach of course and does not have to be yours.
I take things head on and express how I am feeling, especially when I am hurt. I
also keep in mind for every action there is a reaction and I prepare myself for

My thought is for you “to put your big girl pants on” and ask yourself is there
really an issue here or am I over reacting? You are not in a relationship with
your boyfriend’s daughters and it is your boyfriend’s responsibility to handle
any issues the daughter’s maybe having. In fact, it speaks volume that you are
still spending the night with your “assumption” that the daughters do not
approve. That says a lot about how your boyfriend values your relationship and

Take a second and think about the situation over all and ask your self is there
an issue here… if it is or isn’t can I accept it and move forward or does it need to
be addressed…

I wish you the best of luck and I am here to further discuss…

Shawna K Clark  
Shawna K Clark is NOT a licensed therapist and is merely offering her opinion
to anyone interested. Seek and entertain these opinions at your own free will
without liability.