Dear Shawna
Dear Shawna,
Question: I am a 44 yr old man, married  with 3 kids. I love my wife dearly and
would do anything for her but I am contemplating approaching my wife about
having an open marriage. In my heart I know that this will be a bad situation
for her in the beginning and I have never cheated on my wife. But after 21 years
of marriage I find my mind drifting and thinking about other women.  So here
is my dilimea, do I chose to cheat and live a 2nd life OR do I tell my wife my
thoughts and see where things go. Or follow my heart to not complicate things
and burry my thoughts?
Ps. Keep in mind my wife has always been insecure. And I would never want to
hurt her.


Mr. 21 yrs married
Opening the door to a better you...
Ask Shawna whatever questions you may have for a non judgmental point of view.
Dear Mr. 21 yrs Married,

First and fore most I appreciate your openness and the opportunity to help you  
with your dilimea.
Your idea to have an open marriage started somewhere. The question is where?
Being married for 21 years is an accomplishment, however such a lengthy      
marriage can become routine.
Most of us fantasize about living a different life style. Something out of the
every day norm. Ask yourself, what brought on these thoughts? Are you still
attracted to your wife? Is your sex life boring? Has everyday become
predictable?  What do you feel you are missing from your marriage?
These feelings are common and believe it or not your wife maybe feeling the
same way!
Before making a drastic life style change such as an open marriage. Because 3 is
a crowd and most of us do not like crowded places. Try to figure out how you
got to this point. Jot down some ideas, take time to really think about how you
got to where you are today.
Create some excitment within your marriage. Flip the script, do something
different on a Tuesday night. Bring in some role playing with sex.
Be someone else with your wife and vice versa.

Before having this conversation with your wife have a soul searching
conversation with yourself first! What will make you happy? Be honest with
yourself and at the end if you have decided to persue the idea of an open
marriage then please talk with your wife.
Although it will be difficult, honesty is the best policy and after 21 years of
marriage that would be the least you could do. If after some thought and
consideration you have realized ways to keep your union of 2 then there is no
harm in thinking and no reason to bring on any added stress or tension.

"Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it."  ~Mark Twain

Shawna K Clark  
Shawna K Clark is NOT a licensed therapist and is merely offering her opinion
to anyone interested. Seek and entertain these opinions at your own free will
without liability.